


Hopelessly Addicted, Helplessly Attracted

by Skyline (skybs)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-01
Updated: 1999-04-01
Packaged: 2017-10-25 14:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/271415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skybs/pseuds/Skyline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim realizes a few things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hopelessly Addicted, Helplessly Attracted

**Author's Note:**

> Previously published in the fanzine "-852- Prospect #2", The Presses.

I don’t know why but suddenly I’m falling

Was I so blind

I was loving you all the time

I’m hopelessly addicted

Helplessly attracted

 

“Hopelessly Addicted”

— The Corrs

 

 

With an almost inaudible click, at least for normal humans, the TV screen went black. Tossing the remote control away, Jim leaned back on the soft couch cushions, sighing. It had been a long and hard day. He had worked four different cases and had to show up at court to give his statement on that stupid Marble case. Some kind of virus had destroyed his computer’s hard drive, Simon had been a pain in the ass all day long, and a suspect had tried to strangle him in the interrogation room. To make a long story short...it had been hell! The worst part, however, had been that his young guide had been all day at the university, working on an upcoming anthropology exhibition.

Not that Jim had had any troubles with his senses today. In fact, Jim had them pretty much under control — after all, he had been working with Blair for nearly four years now. Still, he felt somehow the need to be near Blair whenever possible — the calming presence of his partner giving him the peace he craved. He couldn’t really explain the how and why, Jim just knew that he felt at ease with himself and the world. It seemed that nothing could ever harm him when his friend was by his side.

Smiling, he looked over to the sleeping form cuddled on the couch. For once the usually very expressive features of the younger man were totally still...relaxed...somehow very childlike. In such moments the sentinel had to remind himself that Blair indeed was an adult — a man who was nearly thirty years old. And someone who shouldn’t be involved in the cruel and dangerous world of a cop’s life.

Slowly, Jim got up from the sofa, stretching his muscles like a very big cat. Watching his partner for a few seconds, he at last touched his friend’s shoulder. He didn’t really want Blair to be stiff in the morning, after sleeping on the couch all night.

“Come on, Blair, wake up,” he called, gently shaking Blair’s shoulder.

Still sleeping, the young man turned on his other side, mumbling something that sounded somewhat familiar to, “Just another five minutes.” Sighing, Ellison watched as he once again snuggled into the couch cushions, a small smile playing on the anthropologist's full lips.

“You know, Chief, if you don’t wake up you’ll regret it tomorrow morning. And if you expect me to carry you to bed then you’ve got a major problem.”

Obviously having a wonderful dream, Blair’s smile widened. “Do it again...hmm...just love it when you kiss me like that, Jim,” he sighed in his sleep.

Jerking his hand from Blair’s shoulder as if it had been burned, Jim gaped at the young man lying on the couch in front of him. The thoughts started to whirl around in his head, making him slightly sick. Before he knew it, he ran towards the bathroom. After he had closed the door, he sank down to his knees, trying to get his breathing under control. He couldn’t quite believe what he had heard — it just couldn’t be true, could it? Sure... he loved Sandburg as a friend or a brother. Still, not once had he looked at him *that* way.

Eventually he calmed down, but he didn’t feel any better. His head hurt like a bitch and the sharp, stinging smell of his --- fear? Was he scared? --- assaulted his nostrils.

After several minutes he got up. Standing on shaky feet, he splashed some cold water on his face and then rinsed his mouth to get rid of the sour taste on his tongue. Looking at the mirror just above the sink, the sentinel saw the face of a man with bloodshot eyes, watching him with a confused and angry expression.

How dare Sandburg?

Going into full denial mode, he left the room, walking upstairs. Within seconds he fell into a restless sleep.

 

* * * * *

 

He was back in the jungle, but there was something different. There was no sound, no smell...nothing. Only his sight seemed to work the way it always had since the first day he’d been in the Peruvian jungle.

Slowly, he turned around, scanning the whole area, when suddenly a horrible vision appeared before him. A helicopter wreck and next to it eight graves. The form of a broken man crouched in front of them, grieving for the lost comrades. With one hand on the man’s shoulder, a native stood next to him, comforting him and trying to heal the wounds in his soul.

As fast as it came into view the illusion faded, leaving only the memory burned into his heart for all time. A new scene emerged. This time a man, marked with the ancient symbol of a Chopec shaman, lay dead on the couch in his apartment. Once again a broken version of himself kneeled in front of Jim’s first Guide, grieving for his lost friend. A young man stood next to him, one hand on his shoulder, comforting him and trying to heal the wounds in his soul.

Then, this picture vanished too, making place for yet another vision.

Immediately he recognized the devastating scene. A young man lay on the grass, dripping and wet. And next to the pale and lifeless body knelt the grieving man, broken for eternity. No one there could comfort him and heal the wounds in his soul.

Jim couldn’t breathe...the deadly silence wrapped its cold fingers around his heart. This couldn’t be true! Sandburg couldn’t be dead! There was so much to say, so much to do...so much to do.

Jerking awake, Jim bolted from his bed, gasping for air. His whole body was covered with cold sweat, his heart hammering as if it would burst through his chest. Looking around agitatedly, the sentinel realized with relief the familiar place of his bedroom.

Taking a deep breath, he felt the tension slowly leave his tight, knotted body as he heard the soft thumping of his friend’s heart. Just a dream! A horrible dream!

Catching the big, red letters on his alarm clock, showing 5:57, he knew he wouldn’t get any more sleep this night. He decided he could for once show up at work early and catch up on his paperwork. Although he hated doing his paperwork it was the only way he could avoid seeing his partner.

Jim didn’t really know why he didn’t want to see his friend...no, this wasn’t right! Blair would probably, with the first look at Jim’s face, know that something was wrong. He just couldn’t handle this after he had caught that one sentence he never had expected to hear — at least not from his best friend. A man!

After taking a quick shower and dressing, he headed out, hoping to forget. No such luck.

All day long the mumbled words from Sandburg’s mouth kept replaying in his mind. After seven hours of work, or rather pretending to work while his thoughts nagged on these few words, Jim couldn’t handle it anymore. He put the file back on the pile of yet-to-do files and jumped up from his chair. Grabbing his jacket, he left the station without a word.

One hour later, sitting on the beach and watching the ocean, Jim wasn’t as near to the conclusion as before. Why was it so hard to just accept that his partner had the hots for him? If he had heard these words from a woman, he knew for sure, he would have been flattered.

Was he afraid? Sure he was!

It could change everything. All the former innocent touches, the shared laugher, the camping trips...they all would change into something...more — into something he couldn’t quite understand. Something he didn’t want to understand.

Or had it changed already? Was he going to lose the best friend he ever had over this?

Nooooo, his mind screamed. He just couldn’t lose his guide — he wouldn’t survive it. And this hit him much more than anything else. Not ever in his entire life had he been so depended on another human being. It frightened him. Yet, it was so clear and natural to feel this close to Blair Sandburg. And for the first time this day, he smiled.

 

* * * * *

 

For the next few days things were business as usual — almost. Jim couldn’t help but constantly think about Blair’s unintentional love declaration. It made him somewhat uncomfortable. His mind supplied him with more and more possibilities what this could mean — whatever this was. It didn’t really ease his fear.

He tried to avoid his friend as much as possible, which was an easy task since Blair spent most of his time at the U working on the exhibition. And the same dream he had had the first night kept coming back, haunting him.

 

* * * * *

 

Two weeks after the “incident,” Jim entered the loft after a long, boring stakeout. Sighing, he threw his keys into the basket next to the door and put his jacket on the hook. He looked forward to a quiet evening at home, relaxing in front of the TV with a bottle of beer.

Smiling at that thought, he called, “Sandburg, I’m home!” and tuned, out of habit, his hearing on Blair. Almost immediately he noticed the way-too-fast heartbeat of his friend. Worried, he reached for his gun, listening for an intruder as possible source for his roommate’s distress.

Detecting nothing out of place, he burst into the smaller man’s room only to come to an abrupt halt in front of Blair’s bed, unable to breathe. He closed his eyes and after several seconds opened them again, but the vision lying on the bed didn’t disappear. If that was good or bad, he couldn’t decide.

Swallowing hard, he mumbled a hoarse, “I’m sorry,” but couldn’t make himself to leave the room. Instead his eyes drifted over Blair’s nude body, memorizing every inch of it. He let his gaze rest for a while on the beautiful, hard cock, strong but delicate fingers wrapped around it, before he continued to caress the soft-looking skin with his gaze. Almost absently, he noticed Blair’s other hand lying on his chest, fingers brushing against one nipple.

Finally, he reached the younger man’s face, flushed with arousal and piercing blue eyes staring shocked and somewhat scared at him. Already on the edge of zoning out at the view before him, he caught the sweet smell of pheromones and sweat hanging heavy in the air and attacking his nostrils.

Feeling his own cock grow hard, already forming a visible bulge in his pants, he blushed furiously and bolted from the room with yet another murmured, “I’m sorry.”

Closing the door behind him, Jim leaned against it, taking deep breaths. Oh boy, what a sight! Never in his dreams he could have imagined the beauty of his guide’s body in the throes of ecstasy. Images floated in his mind over and over again while his hand started to stroke his erection through his pants. Suddenly he stopped in mid-motion, realizing what he was doing just in front of Blair’s room.

He definitely needed a cold shower! And a heart-to-heart with himself.

Jim slumped down on the couch, rubbing one hand over his face. It was too much! First he freaked over the words his best friend had mumbled in his sleep, and then he got a hard-on watching his friend jerk off! It was so...confusing! Blair was a man! And still, it had aroused him...watching that magnificent body.

The sound of a door cracking open announced Blair coming from his room. Jim didn’t turn around, he just couldn’t bear the sight of his friend right now. After all, he didn’t know what to make of this very weird situation. Of course, the oblivious young man didn’t care for any of these things. Clad in a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt he sat down beside the perplexed sentinel.

“Well...I can’t decide what’s more embarrassing...getting caught by Naomi or you,” Blair chuckled nervously.

“Oh,” Jim replied, “both are probably nothing compared to the time my old man stumbled into my room.” Grinning, he glanced at his best friend.

“Probably not,” Blair agreed, smiling back.

The shy smile almost blinded the sentinel with its beauty. Unable to look away, his eyes traveled over the handsome face of his guide. Immediately he got caught in the clear blue depths — the windows to the soul. Somehow, in this very moment, everything fell into place. His inner conflict faded, revealing the pure love he felt for this man.

Slowly he leaned forward, pressing his lips against the sensual ones of his mate. It felt so good, so...right, and so unlike anything else he had felt before. He run his tongue over his partner’s soft lips, asking silently for permission — and they parted immediately, inviting him in. Stroking his tongue over Blair’s, he tried to taste everything the younger man had to offer. The different flavors he could taste, combined itself to the very essence that meant Blair to him.

Sweet.

Spicy.

Exotic.

The kiss deepened even more and Jim felt peace floating through his soul, spreading around his being. So hot. So good. So...right. At last, they parted, looking into each other’s eyes.

“Does this mean you don’t mind my masturbating?” Blair’s voice was teasing, filled with love and joy.

Jim had to smile. “As long as you let me watch...” he replied, laughing nervously.

 

* * * * *

 

Again he was back in the jungle. Silence assaulted his ears, seeming louder than any noise could be.

Everything was exactly the same as the other dreams — all of his senses completely shut down except sight. And anew the same pictures appeared and faded — the crash site in Peru, the death of Incacha, and then that fateful day at the fountain.

Watching the last scene, Jim suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning his head, he saw his partner — his love — standing beside him, smiling at him. Smiling back, his eyes returned to the vision in front of them. The Blair who lay on the grass suddenly took a deep breath, coming back to life, repeating the miracle from three months ago.

Jim watched his double shout with relief and took care of the other Blair, while he took the hand of his Blair in his own, pressing them against his chest. He kissed his friend lightly on the mouth as a promise of forever.

Smiling, Jim awoke from his latest dream. With one hand he stroked over Blair’s dark curls as the anthropologist lay on top of him, sleeping. How could he have ever been so blind and not recognize what he really needed in his life?

Blair...and his love for him.

 

 

I’ll make a wish this day

And I’ll send it to the heavens

That we will always stay

Entwined like this forever

And though the world may change

Coz nothing stays the same

I know we will survive

 

“Hopelessly Addicted”

— The Corrs

 

 

The End


End file.
